


Let Me Go

by hunters_retreat



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M, Reunion, Separation, Underage (in the past), picture2words challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-16
Updated: 2015-09-16
Packaged: 2018-04-21 02:51:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4812161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hunters_retreat/pseuds/hunters_retreat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some things in life are inevitable</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let Me Go

**Author's Note:**

> Written as a pinch hitter for the [](http://pictures2words.livejournal.com/profile)[pictures2words](http://pictures2words.livejournal.com/) challenge. Please, go see byrdy and tell her how amazing her art is. I mean... just amazing!

 

  

 

  
  
  
“Jared Padalecki.”

He heard the name and his head jerked up, pulling him away from his study of the geometric blue-gray pattern of the carpet.  His eyes took in the man before him – Jesus a man – sex foot something and dark shaggy hair.  He looked at Jensen shyly, his slow smile the only thing not hidden behind his bangs. 

“I’m Jared,” he said, straightening up to his full height as he offered Jensen his hand – offered Jensen a way out.

He stood, letting a polite smile slide over his face as he slipped his hand in Jared’s.  He felt the slight shiver of anticipation at the first touch and wasn’t sure it was his or Jared’s.  “Jensen Ackles.”

**

_“You’re pretty enough to be in Hollywood you know?”_

_Jensen stared at the young man, scowling against the younger man’s grin._

**

Somehow it worked.  They were actors, both willing to play the game to get ahead, so it shouldn’t have surprised him when he and Jared managed to get along like there was no past to run from.  The pilot was filmed and there was such a sense of camaraderie with the crew that he really hoped it got picked up.  He figures there wasn’t a shot in hell the network would pick up a show about two slightly amoral brothers travelling cross country in search of their alcoholic father, but it was smart and fun and he loved the dynamics of Dean Winchester and his brother Sam.

 

His phones rang and he smiled at the ridiculous pop song coming from his phone.  Jared. 

“Shouldn’t you be out partying, Young Hollywood?”

“Shouldn’t you be someplace fabulous, Pretty Hollywood?”

Jensen smiled as he got up from the couch, going to the front door.  He threw it open, laughing at the surprise on Jared’s face.

“How’d you know?”

“Heard you echoing in the hall.”

Jared held up the twelve pack and a DVD.  “Thought we could order pizza.”

“How much candy did you have today?”

“Too much.  No way I can sleep yet,” he said as he walked in, setting the beer on the counter.  Jensen shook his head but dialed the pizza place.

**

  _“My brother said you were crazy.”_

_“Your brother is crazy.”_

_The young man smiled at him, shaking his shaggy hair like a dog, spilling droplets of water all over him.  “Maybe.  Maybe I just wanna swim.  Come on.  Jeff and Josh will be a while yet.  You might as well join me.”_

_He looked at the younger man, little more than a boy really with this baggy swim trunks and pale chest, shoulders that promised to be strong and broad when he grew all the way into them.  He knew he shouldn’t, but he couldn’t help himself._

_“Yeah, I could go for a dip.”_

**

They were in Vancouver for less than a week after season one started filming before Jared showed up at his door again.  He had no idea what to do with it.  Jesus, Jared was this amazing guy and already he could feel himself getting closer to him, but he couldn’t help but wonder what it was Jared was trying to get out of it. 

He let him in, closing the door slowly as Jared dropped two bags of Chinese food on the table.  “I wasn’t sure what you wanted so I got a bit of everything.”

“What if I had a hot date or something?” Jensen asked, his smile back in place.

“It’s the middle of the night and we barely got done filming.  Doesn’t say much about our social lives for the year to come.”

Jared handed him a white carton and a pair of chop sticks and he took it, dropping down into a chair at the kitchen table.  Jared sat across from him and it felt familiar, comfortable.  It was too much and even though he’d hoped to avoid it, he couldn’t help but say something.  After all this time, seeing Jared, being so damn close to him?  It was all too much. 

“Jared…”

“Jensen, don’t,” Jared didn’t look up from his food but he shook his head as his chop sticks poked at the food in the box.  There was a sadness in his voice that Jensen had never heard and it matched his eyes as he finally looked up.  Jared shook his head and gave him a half smile.  “We’ve gone this long without bringing it up.  We don’t need to now.”

“Jay,”

“Jensen.  Your letter said everything that needed to be said.”

**

_He didn’t regret his life.  He didn’t believe in regret.  Hell he was only eighteen.  He liked to drink and he liked to have a good time, but he was always smart about it.  That was until this.  This was the stupidest thing he’d ever done._

_He dropped his feet carefully over the side of the bed, biting back a moan at the pounding in his head.  It wasn’t a hangover.  God he wished it was.  He could blame the alcohol if it was.  He’d only had a few drinks at Chris’s party.  What he did after that was his own damn fault._

_He ran a hand over his face, trying to pull himself together.  No matter what he wanted he didn’t have time to stay in bed all day.  The bed shifted behind him and he looked over his shoulder, breath catching as he waited.  The young man behind him shifted but he was just turning over on to his back.  He settled there with one arm high above his head, the other hand scratching lightly at his hipbone until it finally stilled._

_He was fourteen, barely more than a child, and he didn’t need anyone else to tell him how wrong he was to want this.  He’d managed to keep himself in check for an entire year but he screwed that up royally.  He’d love to say he kept it to kissing, the way he’d intended, but kissing led to his fingers in dark hair, pressing and pulling until the long pale line of neck was his.  He’d love to say he kept it to licking and nipping and a little petting like he’d intended.  His lips couldn’t stop though and he pulled the shirt over his head to get better access to warm flesh._

_He wasn’t the only instigator.  No matter how he pressed, his young lover reciprocated, stripped himself bare and laid himself out to be taken._

_He carefully got out of bed, ignoring the ache he felt.  A year he’d kept himself at a safe distance, loving from afar.  Or as afar as he could get when their brothers were best friends and they were next door neighbors.  All for nothing._

_He threw his jeans on as quickly as he could, quietly to make sure his young lover didn’t wake.  As much as he could wish things were different, he couldn’t change things.  Instead he did the only think he could do.  He found a pen and a scrap of paper.  The note was simple and it only took a moment to complete but his hand was shaking when he was done._

_He ignored it as he looked for a shirt.  The one he came up with wasn’t his own but he put it on anyway.  It was probably cruel to leave his own behind but he couldn’t help but want to keep a small piece of his lover.  It was all he would ever have._

_He threw his shoes on and pulled his jacket on before grabbing his bag and heading for the door.  His truck was packed and he had a long drive ahead of him.  He took one last look at his young lover, knowing he’d never see him again._

_Jay,_

_You deserve so much better so I have to go.  Please, just let me go._

_Jen_

**

 

Everything changed after that.  They didn’t mention it again and the tension between them eased up.  The banter became friendlier and Jensen felt less trapped when Jared would wrap those gigantic arms around him.  It was just who Jared was and once Jensen remembered that, he relaxed into their friendship. 

Somehow they survived through the first part of the season as friends and Jensen was amazed at how much he missed him when they were on hiatus.  He and Jared called and texted every day but it still wasn’t the same and when they met back up on the set he was the one who stepped into Jared’s arms and not the other way around. 

It was the perfect friendship.

If he noticed the strip of flesh that showed when Jared stretched his arms above his head, if he stared too long at the long line of his neck when he turned to look at something, he pushed the images to the back of his head with the thoughts of that night and the crystal clear clarity of what he tasted like and how he felt under his hands.

Jared never responded to those moments, never looked at Jensen too long or made him think, even for a second, that he could still look at Jensen with the same love he once had.  Hell, it was eight years later and though they didn’t talk about it, Jensen knew that he’d broken Jared’s heart.  There was no reason to believe he was still hung up on him, even if Jensen had trouble reminding himself he wasn’t eighteen again.

The end of season one was bittersweet.  He spent the first two weeks sleeping and keeping up with friends.  He called home and talked to his little sister, found out his brother had reconnected with his previous BFF as soon as they found out their little brothers were going to be co-stars, and had his mama threaten to fly out and feed him if he kept looking so skinny on the television.

The itch crept up on him, the same as it had on hiatus, hell the same as it did every day he didn’t talk to Jared.  They texted and called but it wasn’t the same.  He wanted to see Jared, missed his goofy laugh and his terrible sense of humor and the way he made Jensen feel more at home in his skin than he ever had.

**

_“You think they’ll ever realize they’re complete idiots?” Jared asked._

_Jensen smiled at the younger man as they watched their brothers, both back from school and acting like they’d never been apart.  “I don’t think they care.”_

_“They just saw each other on break.”_

_“Guess it wasn’t enough.”_

_Jared laughed lightly.  “It’s the epic gay love story of Josh and Jeff,” he cackled as he leaned back on the top step of Jensen’s back porch.  “Mom and Dad will be thrilled to make it official.”_

_The two older boys heard the comment and Jeff smirked at them, Josh held tight in a head lock.  “That would be you in the wedding dress Jared.  You’re the only one innocent enough to pull off the white.”_

_Jensen tossed his head back and laughed, even as he watched the small pout on Jared’s lips.  “You’re supposed to defend me Jen.”_

_Jensen smiled.  “Sorry, should I be defending your right to a white dress or should I promise to defile you should it come to that?”_

_Jared wrapped his arms around Jensen’s waist, laughing.  “Oh have your wicked way with my pretty boy, have your wicked way.”_

 

**

 

The party wasn’t much of a surprise.  They were all back together again, filming was starting for season two and they weren’t too exhausted by their daunting filming schedules yet.  Chris was in town for the weekend and a night of drinking at the bar ended up back at Jared’s place, their friends singing along rowdily as Chris played his guitar, fingers fumbling every few strokes from the amount of alcohol he’d consumed.

Jared handed him another beer as he threw himself down onto the ground at his feet, his head resting against Jensen’s thigh as his back rested on the lower part of the couch.  He brought his bottle up over his head, “To season two, man,” Jared said with only a slight slur of his words.

“Season two,” Jensen agreed, silently watching as Jared brought the bottle to his lips.  He took a deep breath, trying to remember how to push down the memories of those lips wrapped around him, how it felt to have his fingers in Jared’s long hair, guiding him up and down his length.  After all those years he could still remember it like it was the night before.

His body was lethargic from the drink and he took a long pull from the bottle to keep from saying anything stupid.  He was hungry.  Not just horny because that was easy enough to take care of but there was something more he wanted and when he was on edge like that it was memories of that one night that haunted him. 

He closed his eyes and let his head fall back against the couch, just breathing in, listening to his friends laughing.  He felt himself falling in and out of consciousness, losing time.  People crashed beside him, laughed with him, moved around him, and only the feel of Jared’s shoulder pressed to his leg stayed the same. 

“Come on Jen,” Jared was beside him, patting his cheek gently to rouse him.  He opened his eyes and couldn’t help but grin as Jared smiled sloppily down at him.  “Sleepy time Jen.”

He couldn’t help himself.  “Gonna take me to bed Jay?”

Jared laughed as he pulled Jensen up from the couch.  “This is the part where you’re supposed to say ‘take me to bed or lose me forever!’”

Jensen staggered to his feet, his arm around Jared’s waist, hand gripping tightly at his hip.  “Take me to bed or lose me forever!”

The few friends that were still sober enough to recognize their words laughed, but Jared just pulled him back towards the bedroom.  He let himself be led until Jared clumsily dropped him to the side of the bed.  Jared dropped down to his knees, pulling Jensen’s shoes and socks off and without realizing it, Jensen had his fingers wrapped in Jared’s hair.  Jared looked up, eyes wide in surprise. 

He wasn’t sure what made him do it, but everything in him just wanted to reach out, to touch, to taste this - what he’d walked away from all those years ago - what had once been his.

Jensen tugged slightly, just a flexing of his fingers really but Jared’s eyes closed and he tilted his head into the movement.  “Jay,” he whispered.

Jared opened his eyes but he didn’t look up to meet Jensen’s gaze.  Instead he reached up, pulling the tails of Jensen’s shirt out of his jeans, undoing the buttons slowly.  As Jared pushed the shirt off his shoulders,  Jensen let his hand slide out of Jared’s hair. 

The air was charged between them and as Jared pulled his own shirt over his head Jensen wanted to taste more than anything.  He reached forward, cupping Jared’s face and tilting his head up.  He didn’t wait for acceptance or approval, just pressed his lips against Jared’s, licking lightly at the seam of his lips.

Jared pushed up into him, his hands grabbing at Jensen’s hips as he did.  There was nothing of the sweet innocence Jensen had once known but the taste of Jared was undeniable on his tongue.  He dropped his hand from Jared’s cheek down to the back of his neck, letting his finger play in the soft gentle curls again.  His other hand draped over Jared’s shoulder and god there was so much more muscle there, the young lover he’d once had had definitely grown into a man. 

Jared moaned into his mouth and then Jensen felt his hands moving to Jensen’s belt buckle.  He pressed harder into the kiss, tasting the desperate edge that was trying to creep into the moment.  Jared’s hands were pulling at his pants though, unzipping and trying to tug them down his hips.  Jensen let go of Jared’s shoulder to balance himself, lifting his hips off the edge of the bed. 

Cool air hit the exposed skin and Jared pulled away from his lips for a minute while he discarded Jensen’s pants.  Jared pushed him back onto the bed then, straddling his hips as he came back in for another kiss.  Jensen reached between them, finding the waistband of Jared’s jeans.  He started popping the button, needing to feel Jared naked overtop of him.  He got him unzipped and then Jared was helping him push the pants off, kicking them over the side of the bed. 

Jensen’s head spun with the memory of Jared riding him years ago and with the feel of him now, lips pressed to his, hot body pressed hard over him, their cocks lined up to drag and slide against one another.    

“God, Jay,” Jensen pulled back from the kiss, his lips dragging across Jared’s cheek, nipping lightly at the skin just beneath his ear.  Jared arched his back at that and Jensen smiled as his hands roamed down his spine, pressing him closer.

“This what you want?” Jared whispered into his ear.  “Think I can still remember, Jen?  Think I still know what you like?”  He slid down Jensen’s body, his lips never leaving his skin as he trailed lower until he was settled between Jensen’s legs. Jared looked up at him then and there was so much heat in his eyes Jensen could barely breathe.  Jared smiled up at him, something dark and dirty lurking in his eyes as he licked his lips and dropped his head.  He caught the head of Jensen’s cock between his lips and sucked softly while his fingers wrapped around the base, stroking him lightly.

Jensen’s hand came up to Jared’s head and he didn’t try to stop himself.  Memories were too strong and god it’d been years but this was still the fantasy Jensen used to jerk himself off to every time, his best friend pressed between his legs hungrily sucking him off.  Then Jared’s hand was gone though and he was sliding his lips all the way down – fucking deep throating him.

“God damn it Jay,” he growled out.

Jared’s hand came up and stroked again as he pulled off Jensen’s cock.  “Wanna hear how I learned that one?” he asked, his voice deeper than Jensen was used to hearing.  “Wanna know how many guys I’ve sucked off since you taught me Jen?  Wanna know how many have fucked me since then, how many I let take me after you left?”

He grabbed Jared by the shoulders, pulling him up and rolling him over until he was on top of him, crushing their lips together, needing to shut him up.  No, he didn’t want to know.  He’d never been one to get jealous easily but this was too much.  Jared had been so damned innocent that night, barely past the stage of fumbling kisses and a drunken daring grope or two with the opposite sex but Jensen had given him everything, taken everything he could and it still wasn’t enough.

When Jensen nipped across his jaw Jared arched up into him again.  “Gonna fuck me Jen?” he asked as he pressed his cock up into the curve of Jensen’s hipbone. 

He stopped then, his whole body going still at the thought of being inside Jared again.  Jared, his best friend, his co-star, the young lover he’d left behind years ago.  The only one that had ever mattered.  God he wanted – he needed – to reclaim this, to have this.

Jared stretched up and Jensen watched him, strong lean body reaching into the bedside drawer, pulling out the lube and a condom.  He dropped them beside Jensen and reached between them.  His fingers glancing over Jensen’s cock were enough to break him out of the memories.

Jensen leaned in, capturing Jared’s lips.  He heard the bottle snick open and then Jared was pouring lube onto his fingers.  Jensen waited until they were good and slick before he shifted, brought his weight up to one knee and lowered his hand to run down Jared’s cock, over his balls, then past to his warm tight entrance.  Jared moaned at the feel of his fingers there, though he didn’t do anything more than stroke him just yet.  “So you remember it all so well Jay?” Jensen asked as he broke from the kiss, his fingers playing circles over Jared’s hole.  “Remember the first time I pressed my fingers inside you, remember the way I opened you up so damn slowly on my tongue?”

“God, please,”

“Please what Jay?”

“Anything,” Jay was practically panting the words and Jensen couldn’t help the smirk on his lips. 

“Yeah baby, I’ll take care of you,” he said as he pushed the first finger in slow and steady.  Jared’s breath shuddered and Jensen kissed the sound from his lips.  He took his time, slowly pressing in and out.  God but Jared was tight.  If Jared had been letting someone else fuck him, it’d been a while. He pushed the thought angrily from his head, and licked at Jared’s neck, stretched out so damn pretty for him as he pressed a second finger inside him.

“Jesus, Jensen come on,” Jared begged.  “Not a fucking virgin here.”

Jensen chuckled at the words, drawing it out even more for Jared’s impatience.  “No, I remember than night pretty well.”  To prove the point, he twisted his fingers to just the right spot and Jared was screaming his name.  Jensen worked his fingers in and out quicker then, unable to stop himself.  He needed to be inside Jared.  He probably wasn’t ready for the third finger yet but Jensen was too far gone to slow it down any further.  The way Jared was panting he could probably skip straight to penetration without the lube and Jared would be urging him on.

The thought stilled him somewhat.  He’d been so careful with Jared the first time, not wanting to hurt him, needing to make it as good for him as he was for Jensen.  The thought of hurting him now, of hurting his best friend had him pressing in softer, his lips pressing soothing kissed where his teeth had been nipping moments before.

“God Jen, please, I need it… need you.”

It was more than he could take and Jensen slipped his fingers free.  He ripped the condom open and slid it down his cock, adding more slick.  He took the bottle and drizzled it over his fingers, rubbing it across Jared’s hole just to watch him squirm.

He pulled Jared’s hips up, feeling Jared move with him, then he was leaning forward, one hand guiding him in as the other rested beside Jared’s head to balance him.  He closed his eyes, feeling Jared’s hand pull them closer until their foreheads were resting together.  He moved slow, steadily pressing in as Jared’s body adjusted to him.

“So damn tight,” Jensen whispered in awe. 

Jared let out a shaky breath.  “Well I may be pretty but I ain’t easy.”

Jensen’s startled laugh broke through before he could stop it.  When Jensen bottomed out he moaned slightly, nipping at Jared’s bottom lip.  “Easy enough for me.”

“Always was,” Jared said, rolling his hips up and making Jensen moan again.

It was all the encouragement Jensen needed as he pulled out almost all the way and slid slowly back in.

“God I remember this,” Jared said softly.

Jensen closed his eyes, ignoring the emotion in Jared’s voice.  It almost felt like the same awe, the same regret Jensen had whenever he thought of that night, of what he and Jared might have had if he hadn’t been fourteen and Jensen on his way out of town.

He pressed their lips together instead, unable to listen to any other confessions.  Jared whimpered into his mouth as he found that spot again, repeating the motion again and again until Jared was moaning openly against his neck. 

He pressed all the way in then, wrapping an arm up under Jared and rolled until his lover was on top.  Jared shifted his legs, bringing them up his side and then he sat up.  Jensen’s hands went to Jared’s hips automatically and then he was riding him.

His eyes took in the long form of Jared, the way his chest muscles moved as he let his hands drape over Jensen’s chest, his neck and the graceful line of shadow from the dim room light.  He was beautiful.  He always had been but he’d grown into it now with an easy grace of movement that came from an inner comfort with the self and not just from the practice of motion.

When his eyes caught Jared’s there was no where to hide.  There was no denying how long he’d wanted this, how he’d never stopped.  He was sure Jared could read right through his gaze and see the truth of it.

“You can’t hide from me now,” Jared said as if reading his thoughts.  “You can’t bury your head in my neck or hide behind the show.  I know what you want Jensen and you don’t have to hide from that either.  I’m right here.  Not going anywhere.”

Jensen thrust up harder into him, needing to take away Jared’s words.  He’d screwed up so bad with Jared and he knew that.  There was no way he could still have this.

Jared leaned forward, his hands catching Jensen’s and pressing them to the mattress above his head, riding Jensen hard.  Words were lost to them both then and Jensen leaned up into Jared, demanding a kiss.  Jared met him there, the kiss biting and intense and then Jared’s whole body stilled, tensing.  Jensen felt the warm splash of come across his stomach and then as Jared’s body tightened around him, he felt his own orgasm hit.   They both rode it out like that, eyes locked on one another and Jensen knew Jared could see too much in his eyes.  He knew it, the same way he knew he was seeing too much of what Jared was feeling.  He didn’t know how to deal with the honesty of that.

When Jared pulled away Jensen discarded the condom and felt Jared pulling him back down onto the bed.  “Just sleep Jen.  We’ll figure it out in the morning,” he said softly, soothingly. 

As much as Jensen knew it was only going to get worse, he agreed.  He was tired and sated and Jesus, he knew he’d fucked up again but at least he could have Jared in his arms again, for one more night.

**

_“Always wanted it to be you.”_

_“What?”_

_“My first time.”_

_“You know what this means, right?”_

_“That I can have you arrested now?”_

_Jensen scowled at Jared who smiled, completely unfazed by his glare.  “Why me?”_

_Jared’s smile softened as he shook his head.  “I know you don’t think I’ve noticed but you’re kinda obvious when we’re alone.”_

_“About what?”_

_“You adore me.”_

_Jensen snorted but it was the truth no matter how he’d tried to hide his affection with teasing._

_“The thing is Jen, I think it’s more than that.  I think you love me and I love you and no matter what at least I have this.”_

_“Jared-”_

_“Go to sleep Jen.  We’ll talk in the morning.  Just wanna wake up with you, okay?”_

_Jensen pressed a kiss into Jared’s forehead.  “Yeah, okay,” but he already knew it wasn’t.  When Jared woke Jensen would be long gone._

 

**

 He woke slowly, groggily.  He felt warm and lethargic, not ready to get out of bed yet but aware of the day beginning around him.  He was just glad they had the day off. The sun was just starting to stream in the window and he realized it was way too early for him to be awake yet.  He blinked his eyes wearily and realized why he was awake.  He wasn't at home and he wasn't alone.  
  
Jensen swore under his breath, recognizing the warmth, the oh so familiar comfort that was settled behind him.  He slowly inched away from Jared, stopping whenever his friend’s –lover’s- fingers reached for him until Jared finally turned over onto his back.  He sat up and dropped his legs over the side of the bed wondering- in an oh so fucking familiar way - how the hell did this happen?  
  
He remembered the alcohol and the drunken teasing from the night before, not so different from any other night, except where it had been.  But he knew what was different. 

He was different.  For some reason last night he’d wanted and to his complete surprise and utter horror, Jared let him take, again.  He wasn’t sure if he should be horrified that his friend was willing or  pleased that their last encounter had made such an impression on Jared, but he was really just trying to keep from thinking about the truth.  From what he’d seen in Jared’s eyes.

He stood up, grabbing his boxers and pants from the floor and pulled them up quickly.  He was so busy looking for his shirt – not Jared’s this time damn it – that he didn’t hear the bed creaking. 

“You don’t get to do this again.”

Jensen stopped, dropping his hands to his side as he straightened up, his back to Jared.  “You said you didn’t want to talk about it.”

“That was when it was in the past.  Last night sort of makes it relevant again.”

“Jay, look-“

“No.”

Jensen turned to look at Jared.  It was probably a mistake because as soon as he did the only thing he wanted to do was wrap his arms around Jared and keep him there, in bed, safe and warm and – god damn it – loved.

“Jensen, I never hated you for leaving.  It hurt like hell, but I’d been watching you that whole year, same way you were watching me.  I knew it was eating you up inside, what you wanted.  I knew I was too young and you were leaving.  I wasn’t trying to change it.  Just tried to take what I wanted while I still had a chance.  I got over it, first love and all that, but I never forgot you Jen.  And then there you were at the studio and it felt the same but so different.  I wasn’t the young kid anymore and it was cool to just hang out and be your friend.  It wasn’t the only thing I wanted though,” Jared said as he slid across the bed, the sheets sliding around him leaving him naked before Jensen’s eyes. 

“I never forgot the taste of you or the feel of you.  Being your friend again wasn’t something I was gonna give up on some wild goose chase though and you never acted like you were interested.  Until last night.”

“I shouldn’t have Jay.  It was…”

“A mistake?”

“Yeah,” as painful as it was to say, Jared had a right to hear it from him this time.

 Jared’s laugh took his off guard and he stared at him for a minute, just watching.  Before he could register the movements, Jared was off the bed and had Jensen backed up against the wall.  “It wasn’t a mistake.”

“I’m not good at this Jared.  I’ll just hurt you.”

“I’m not a kid Jensen and I’ve been hurt plenty by the people I’ve loved in my life, but I don’t care.  This is worth the risk.”

“You don’t-”

“Shut up Jensen.  You’re scared.  I saw it in your eyes last night and Dean Winchester isn’t the only one that walks when the emotions run too high, is he?”

Jensen took a deep breath, swallowing against the lump in his throat but Jared leaned in even closer before he could say anything.  His lips skimmed Jensen’s lightly and he shivered at the feeling of it, at the need it created in him. 

“I’m not going anywhere Jensen and I’m not letting you go without me either.  Not this time.”

Lips were pressed to his again as he opened his mouth to tell Jared it couldn’t work.  They were co-stars, the network would have a fit and Jensen was horrible with relationships.  He could never say the right thing and he only hurt the people he loved.  He’d already hurt Jared and he couldn’t live with himself for doing it again.  “You deserve better than me.”

“Probably,” Jared said, his lips pulling up at the corner of his lips like he knew he’d already won and damned if he hadn’t.  

“Let me go Jen,” he said before Jensen could say anything else, “take me with you, wherever you are, wherever you want to be.  You and me, we can make this work.  We’re stronger like this.”

“Like this?”

“Together.”

Jensen let himself look up then, saw the love and trust in Jared’s eyes and he was lost to the need and want and the pure amount of affection that was directed at him.  He reached a hand up, cupping Jared’s face softly before letting his hand slide back to the nape of his neck.  He pulled Jared down, kissing him softly, deeply.  When he pulled back Jared was smiling.  “Yes.”

It was the stupidest thing he’d ever done, standing there in Jared’s bedroom, both still mussed from the night before and sleep addled, but it’d never felt more right.  Jared wasn’t letting him go and for the first time since he’d walked away from the first man he’d ever loved the world felt right again.  Maybe it wouldn’t be perfect, but the past had shown what happened when he ran.  He had a good thing with Jared and he was right.  It was time to let go.  Let go of the past, and let Jared take him along for the ride that was their future.    

 


End file.
